| caution... does not make sense |
[02 Jan 2006|09:15am] |
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OK... warning. Don't read any farther if you're expecting this to make sense, cuz I'm not sure it will make sense. I just know that I need to write and clear my thoughts and I'm not sure of all I have to clear is correlated or not... or maybe I am just in my mind making things more than what they are.
My weekend with Dave went great. We had an awesome time saturday ;-) then had both fallen asleep by 10 PM lol I know, nice way to bring in the New Year's. But believe me... the sleep was well needed. Sunday... I felt so weird hanging around his place, I finally decided to leave because I felt that I was keeping him from his daily routines. It was almost 3 in the afternoon when I left, but I was talking to him and asking him what he usually does on sunday's and he was telling me... I felt I was keeping him from his friends. I wanted to say to him, if you want to go see your friends you can... but he would have felt obligated to take me, and when you introduce a girl to your friends, it moves the status of the relationship up a level... I would be OK with that, Dave met my Sara this weekend with me, and I don't feel it changed Dave's relationship with me... but his friends are very close to him, and Sara and I just met... meeting his friends would be different. *sighs* I don't want to feel this way, I want to enjoy it there, but I don't wanna feel like I am keeping him from his life. I could tell he was more affectionette this time by how he snuggled with me and caressed my face so lovingly. I know he has feelings... I'm so confused from this ughhh!!
Men... I wish they came with some kind of guide book with directions.
BLAH
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[29 Dec 2005|10:16am] |
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OK.. 2 days to go before New Years Eve. I am excited to go to Rochester and spend it there with Dave. Other than one little kiss, Dave and I have not been anything other than friends for 6 years. I wanted so much for my New Years to have meaning behind it, like a fresh start with new love... I guess that's just not on my agenda for now. At least I won't be home alone like I have been the past couple years.
Why can't love just fall in my lap and actually be attained? I'm starting to think I will be this long haired, old woman who has hair to her ankles when she dies (I vowed to only trim it unless I get married again.)
On the better side of things... I will also be meeting Sara on Saturday for lunch. I am so psyched for this. A few weeks ago no one would have ever told me that I would become friends with her and love her as much as I do right now. She is an awesome person, and I am so thankful she is part of my friends. She and I are soooo much alike. It's too cool.
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| my grades are in |
[24 Dec 2005|11:34pm] |
My final grades are in for the semester
Sociology = A-
Youth @ Risk = A
Helping Skills = A
Managing disruptive behavior = A
Math = B+
total GPA = 3.81
a 4.0 is perfect... WOOHOOO yay for me
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| She said... He said |
[20 Nov 2005|11:29pm] |
She said...
If you see me walking down the road with someone else,
It's not because I like his company,
It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time,
It's not because he pleases me,
It's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat.
If you feel me falling with someone else,
It's not because I love him.
It's because you're not there to catch me if I fall.
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere,
I too dont know where the road is going.
Are we gonna cross each other's path
or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
or go to the place where love is bound.
Don't let me talk of him,
It's you I want to talk with.
Don't let me talk of him,
It's you I want to talk of
Don't let me fall for him,
It's you I want to fall inlove with......
He said.......
When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you.
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that's before me.
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat.
I didn't assume anything
And I was afraid to lose friendship.
When you thought I wasn't there to catch you,
Even before you reach the bottom
You have already grabbed the branch.
If you feel you are nowhere, I too am lost.
I too didn't know where the road is going.
Are we just going to turn around,
Or we gonna cross each other's path,
Will we just let go of what we had
or go to the place where love is bound.
Don't let me walk alone,
I want to walk by your side.
Don't let me talk of someone else,
It's you I want to to talk about.
Don't let me fall for someone else,
It's you I want to fall inlove with......
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[17 Nov 2005|05:51pm] |
My momma did'nt raise me to be stupid and naive
She told me more than once
Not to trust a cowboy who saught to please
To trust my intuition, even if I had weak knees
I should have listened closer, should have take all the heed.
My mom had been there, been taken by a man,
turned out to be my daddy, was a player in a band,
Your not in a band, but you play very well.
A different kind of tune, that leaves hearts broken and in ruin,
My momma always told me, not to trust a man,
He don't have to be a cowboy,
To leave you in the dark.
To instill the hurt inside you,
and make the river from your soul.
My momma always told me,
that there was one out there to be true...
be patient waiting, and he will come find you.
As tears roll down my face,
I wonder if my momma knew,
How he came looking for me,
How he wanted to be true...
Wanted to be there for me, make me feel all new.
I wonder if my momma knew,
That he would disappoint me too...
For the man I been waiting for, is still asleep and unaware
For the man that I fell for, is a man thats unable to be true.
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| download this beautiful song |
[27 Oct 2005|04:51pm] |
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mood |
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Nickelback
Far Away
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and, never let me go
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| GO FIGURE! |
[14 Oct 2005|07:50am] |
Dear Karen,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Friday, October 14:
You love them, you love them not -- opposing emotions and opinions are oddly close together right now, and in some cases practically interchangeable. You'll probably change your mind immediately about any decision.
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| Just some poem |
[14 Oct 2005|01:37am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Lifehouse - You and Me |
] |
It Escapes Me
By Karen
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind,
Can't seem to catch a dime.
Wanting so much to conceive,
Yet it all escapes me…
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind
I try so hard to let it in,
Only pushing back again.
Yet it all escapes me…
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind,
I do not trust what I feel,
For it may just be another spoil.
Yet it all escapes me…
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind
I want it true, I want it real.
But my heart won't let me feel,
Yet it all escapes me…
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind
I ask myself why this time.
It makes no sense of rhyme,
Yet it all escapes me…
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind
I thought it would fade away by now.
Seems to have grown stronger, wow
Yet it all escapes me…
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind
Wonders if there is hope afar,
To keep me guided by a star,
Yet it all escapes me…
Whirlwind whirlwind in my mind
All I want and all I need
Is peace of mind and integrity
Yet... for now... it escapes me.
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| OK I was bored |
[03 Oct 2005|09:32am] |
.......... , . - . - , _ , .......
........ ) ` - . .> '( .......
...... ./ . . . .`.. . .\ .. ........
....... |. . . . . |. . .| ........
.........\ .. . . ./ . ./ .........
.......`=\..... /.../.= .........
.............`-;`.-' ............
...............`|| ... , ........
................ || _.-'| ........
............. , _|| .._, / ........
....... , ..... ..|| .' .............
....... |.. |.. , .||/ .............
.... , ....` | /|.,||.., ............
..... '-...'-._..||/ .............
......... >_.-`.||| ..............
.............. , ..|| ...............
................ ..|| ...........
................. .|| ..........
................. .|| ...........
................. .|/ ...........
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[02 Oct 2005|08:18pm] |
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I think it's obvious... |
] |
Have you ever come across someone in you're life who claims to love you and all they do is repeatedly hurt you? It happens so often, and yet we allow it to happen. Not anymore... I want to love uninhibitidly... I want it to be all it can be, and I want it all. There is no reason why we can't have what we want out of life, and the last thing I want to do is stop following my dreams for someone who does not support them, or to be with a man that feels I am a loser because I scrimp for all I have right now. I'm far from a loser, and one day I will have what I want, and it will be without you... for you, this song is dedicated....
Staind - Outside
And you
Bring me to my knees
Again
All the times
That I could beg you please
In vain
All the times
That I felt insecure
For you
And I leave
My burdens at the door
But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
All the times
That I felt like this won't end
It's for you
And I taste
What I could never have
It was from you
All the times
That I've cried
My intentions
Full of pride
But I waste
More time than anyone
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow will be OK
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
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| more stuff |
[22 Sep 2005|10:58pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You |
] |
* She found herself standing at the beach gazing out over the sunset. The waters gently beating the shoreline, and the smell of salt in the air. She wishes she could reach out and take it, the happiness she saw there. It was so beautiful and peacful, untouched by all, relished by her inner being. The sunset was glowing, the sun reflecting off the sea. Glimmering upon her face, an open and sweet embrace. She covered her face and felt the tears fall, for she knew soon it would be over, and she needed so badly for it to stay. She just did not see another way. Slowly she watched as the sun inched down... creeping slowly into the ground. As her life had been, so was the sunset, beautiful but lonely... although she felt the pain and loss, she knew that again the sun would rise, and soon she would see another sunset. How she wished she could keep it dear... To lose it forever was her only fear.*
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| Someone Special |
[20 Sep 2005|01:19am] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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Once and awhile someone comes along,
who fills your heart, with an endless song.
They make the sun shine on darkest days,
and paint a rainbow, over the cloudy greys.
They can make you smile when you frown,
knowing how to lift your spirits, when down.
Their shoulders are broad, and freely given,
until troubles weighing you down have risen.
They listen intently, to all you need to say,
then find the words, to ease your pain away.
Their words of comfort, dry all of your tears,
and renew your strength, to calm your fears.
Whenever you need someone they are there,
just wanting you to know, that they do care.
In knowing this, it makes your world brighter,
and any troubles you face, that much lighter.
When this special someone finds your heart,
they touch your life, and become a big part.
It's a blessing you are given from God above,
as it brings to your heart, a special gift of love
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| Letting go |
[19 Sep 2005|04:41pm] |
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mood |
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Kelly Clarkson - Beacuase Of You |
] |
Good-bye to You
By Karen
You haunt my head through the day,
Crowd my dreams through the night.
My heart wanting to take flight.
Unable to have you because of you.
You took my heart and made it feel,
Made my head go in circles,unreal.
Made me feel alive once more,
Only to walk out the door.
You pierced my soul
Made my heart bleed
Like a vampire,
Waiting to feed
You fed upon my emotions
You fed upon my love,
You accepted me,
You loved me...
How was it so easy to walk away?
I felt your tears fall upon my face,
Making love to you, I cried too.
We both knew it was the last time.
I miss you, I miss us,
Wanting it all, even the fuss...
For to me it was worth the stress,
To have a love so full of bliss
I do not understand your reasons why
I only know you chose good-bye.
One day you will wake and see...
That you lost your chance with me.
Good-bye to you,
No more tears from me,
I'm living again.
Moving on to live and love happily.
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| Sorry it's so long, but it's touching... |
[15 Sep 2005|04:57pm] |
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none |
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And the rains came and filled my soul with sadness.
Why, I do not know; unusual for me it's true.
Draining my goodness while screaming with madness
seeing my world through a dark greyish hue.
Standing in the storm clenching fists and glaring.
Facing my evils for on demons they ride.
Liars, manipulators, my heart they were sharing.
On bended knees waiting for the rain to subside.
While mourning my losses that dark summers eve,
I looked to the clouds and then closed my eyes.
I begged for an answer, why was I deceived?
Reaching for the heavens, only one star in sight.
So I'll send forth my spirit to dispose of my pain,
to shackle the demons and hatred inside.
Rising above sorrow and griefs what I gain,
as I grasp for my star, holding on tight.
The sun is too bright for my bleak disposition.
Tell the rain to come and hide its rays,
Far above the dark gray clouds that harbor the
lightning.
Let the rain join my tears and the thunder my cries.
Let the storm rage with fury and pound the earth
With the same force that my angered fists release my
despair.
When the skies are no longer heavy with moisture
And my eyes begin to dry
The sun may return in all of its healing brilliance.
But, I'm not ready for that today.
Since we do not know what happens prior to our coming
into existence on this earth, and since we have not
yet experienced what comes after our leaving this
earth, it is perhaps the easiest way to describe the
progression of life—the Unknown being darkness, the
Known being light.
You are sitting feasting with your aldermen and thanes
in winter time; the fire is burning on the hearth in
the middle of the hall and all inside is warm, while
outside the wintry storms of rain and snow are
raging—and a sparrow flies swiftly through the hall.
It enters in at one door and quickly flies out the
other. For the few moments it is inside, the storm and
wintry tempest cannot touch it, but after the briefest
moment of calm, it flits from your sight, out of the
wintry storm and into it again.
But while it may be the easiest description, and the
most readily accepted, there is a strong possibility
that it is flat-out wrong. After all, since we do not
know the precise details of what goes on before birth
or after death, how can we possibly assume that both
are places of darkness? Is it not equally easy to
imagine that the light, warm comfort of the feast is
actually a regression of sorts, and that the sparrow
continues its flight out the other side because there
is an innate knowledge (or at least hope) that there
is something even better outside the door?
The window has been opened into our own identity. As
human beings we very often accept and embrace many
aspects of our lives.We tend to hold on to areas of
darkness that we keep to retreat to when we think that
we might be better able to control our own life again
for awhile. The light of understanding dawns brighter
and brighter in the reality that we embrace.
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| For my Best Friend- Marc... I love you |
[11 Sep 2005|05:59pm] |
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mood |
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 grateful |
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thats about obvious, isnt it? |
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Marc,
For 6 years now we have been the best of friends. Always being there for one another through thick and thin. I love who you are, what you are, and I value you beyond belief. This song is us... there is no denying it.
James Blunt - Cry
I have seen peace. I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder, I'm a friend.
I have seen birth. I have seen death. Lived to see a lover's final breath.
Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright? Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder.You're a friend.
You and I have been through many things.
I'll hold on to your heart.I wouldn't cry for anything,
But don't go tearing your life apart.
I have seen fear. I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
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| it worked |
[29 Aug 2005|07:39am] |
| You Are Likely a Third Born | 
At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable.
At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things.
When you love someone, you tend to like to please them.
In friendship, you are loyal to one person.
Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer.
You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration. |
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| hope... does it exist? |
[23 Aug 2005|09:43am] |
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mood |
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confused |
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Hope: n. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for
victory.oftenHope ;Christianity. The theological virtue defined
as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to
attain with God's help. Archaic. Trust; confidence.
To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
Archaic.To have confidence; trust.
I guess to me hope symbolizes the things we can not see, but we feel. It is
such a delicate feeling, and I realized tonight how easily it can be stripped
(To remove all excess detail from; reduce to essentials.) away from one. Hope,
the essance of things not seen, but believed in. (Thinks back to the fairy tale
ending I wrote of earlier this week.) Is there a reason to hope on something so
little? Or was tonight the realization of my own little entity? More than likely
the later of the two.
Fuck you Cinderella
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[20 Aug 2005|12:37am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Diamond Rio - One More Day |
] |
Standing on the shore line she watched the water slowly beat the sand... as the tide moved out she could see all the crabs scrambling for life... how easy it was for the tide to move in and out of the shoreline... almost like the love from her life... She wondered if the shoreline felt the same pain she had over time... how the water may have caused pain to the sand... how the water beat upon the shore like the aching of her heart... swiftly, yet soft... painfully torturing the soul to the depths of the sea... A tear drop falls... she looks down as it lands in a puddle... slowly her eyes follow the water to the ocean... and she wonders... could it be the tears of broken loves that make the oceans? Possibility... for she feels that she has shed an ocean full of tears over her lost love... and sadly, life would go on... as the tide comes and goes by the day.... so would her life, even thought she wanted it to go away.
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[18 Aug 2005|01:28am] |
The True You | | You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed. | | With respect to money, you spend as little as possible. | | You think good luck might come your way, but if it does you'll be so surprised you'll burst out laughing. | | The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you. | | You have a tendency to overdo things, but basically you value your friendships highly. | | When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends. |
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